Chuck Norris never needs a flash light, he just stares into the darkness and it moves out of the way .
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite . Chuck Norris bites frost .
Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear .
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it .
They were going to put Chuck Norris face on Mount Rushmore , but the rock wasn't hard enough .
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar .
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice .
Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette , and he won . No Questions asked .
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding .
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door .
Death Once had a near Chuck Norris experience .
Once , Chuck Norris swam to the Virgin Islands . Now they're just called "The Islands ."
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas .
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves .
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer .
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are know today as Giraffes .
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of Surprise .
Chuck Norris has been to Mars before , that's why there are no signs of life .
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch . He decides what time is IT .
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass . AT NIGHT .
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night , he checks his closet for Chuck Norris .
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet papers, but there was a problem . It wouldn't take shit from anybody .
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack . His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him .
There is no theory of evolution . Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live .
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won .
Chuck Norris can divide by ZERO
Chuck Norris can run you over with a PARKED car.
If you spell Chuck Norris is Scrabble , you win . Forever .
Chuck Norris has the heads of King Kong , Predator and all of the 300 Spartans on his wall .
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago but the GRIMM reaper haven't had the courage to tell him .
Every February 2nd, Chuck Norris sees his shadow and beats the hell out of it .
Chuck Norris was the first one to know that the bird is the word .
Chuck Norris gave birth to his dad
Chuck Norris can kill a vampire by showing him a picture of the sun .
When Chuck Norris does a push-up , he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down .
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn , he stands on the porch and dares it to grow .
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants .
Chuck Norris doesn't have Twitter, because he's already following you .
Space is continuously expanding because other galaxies are running away from Chuck Norris .
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills . They made him blink .
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King , and got one .
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI
When Chuck Norris throws a boomarang it doesn't dare come back .
Chuck Norris donates blood to NASA for rocket fuel .
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris , he finds you .
Chuck Norris doesn't read books . He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
